Things That Make You Go Hmmmm:

HGH and the NFL

by Bob Dietz

Sometimes the sports world reeks of so much hypocrisy and doublespeak that a translator is necessary. My "Things That Make You Go Hmmmm" column will attempt to cut through the baloney of one topic each week.

Today's subject is the NFL Players' Association's waffle on HGH testing. Don't kid yourselves, folks, the initial proclamations that HGH testing would begin soon was all public relations and no reality. Despite the fact that a perfectly legitimate HGH test is available, the union is hiding behind the argument that WADA (the international anti-doping association) refuses to share some kind of alleged demographic info regarding how different populations profile on the test. WADA's response is that they have provided the union with all of the available information. The concept that different athletic populations have significantly different test results, WADA says, is a red herring.

Here's the translation: the union is trying to make a case that their population may have characteristics different from any and all other athlete profiles, therefore the test may not be accurate when used on NFL players.

This is, frankly, complete nonsense. How exactly would an "NFL population" differ from weight lifters, or soccer players, or wrestlers? Maybe the NFL players are, as a group, fatter? Maybe they are inferior in a cardiovascular sense? What precisely is the union arguing?

Furthermore, the idea that there exists an "NFL player profile" is problematic in and of itself. Because each NFL position varies so much in size and shape, the mere idea that an "NFL player" profile exists that has any meaning is also nonsense. Linemen and receivers are completely different athletes. Arguing that somehow NFL players (as a group) are unique and different from all other athletes is just silly. Offensive linemen probably have more in common physiologically with weightlifters, shot putters, discus throwers, and sumo wrestlers than they do with other football positions. Receivers probably have more in common physiologically with soccer or basketball players.

So what is the union really doing? They know damn well HGH use is relatively common, and they're trying to get the NFL tests defined using NFL players, not other athletes, as a baseline. In other words, they would like the testing baseline to be anchored to a profile of the current NFL population, rather than compared to the "clean" profile of other athletes. There's just one problem. If the existing NFL population is using HGH, then comparing future test results to the current population is no test at all. The union knows this, of course, but they're hoping you don't.